Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
