WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I think I am morally bankrupt
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
