how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize
