Already got asked if we're dating
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
