can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
