hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
