So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Are we in a gay sports bar?
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
