Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
