Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
My sheets look like a crime scene.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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