Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
