i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
You're a waste of cheezeits
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
