no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
