I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
