Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
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