Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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