these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
