i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
