if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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