I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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