I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Randomize
