Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
