your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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