Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
