I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
