IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
