i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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