just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
