and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
