the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
