You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
