Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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