I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
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