ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
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