Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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