i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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