Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
