is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
