I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
