I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
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