this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
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