He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
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