i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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