oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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