so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
