I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
This is the high leading the old right now
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Alive.
So much puke
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
