I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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