how hairy? two words: wookie tits
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
