We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
