I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
