I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
