I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
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