Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
