Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
