If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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