I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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