before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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